Do you like Eastenders?

No, I like Northenders

Do you like Corrie?

No, I like a balti

Do you like Changing Rooms?

No, I like it the way it is.

Do you like David Seaman?

No I like David Landman

Do you like CITV?

No, I like to see BBC

Do you like Sky?

No, I like the sun.

Do you like Milkshake?

No, I like Coke.

Do you like A Date in Hell?

No, I Like A Date in Heaven

Do you enjoy friends?

Yes, but I prefer enemies.

HIGH

GIRAFFE

EATING LEAVES

SATURDAY NIGHT

DISCOED ALL NIGHT LONG

Gentle Crusher

As the adder goes to his victim.

Slowly he wraps himself around the body

Silent Killer

Silent as he gently crushes the rabbits skull.

As the rabbit cries for help

The adder's jaw

Swallows his victim.

The year two thousand

Hearing arguments every night

Every night, I have to go to my bedroom

My Mum and dad don't get along

I hear plates being smashed

Living in this house is a nightmare

Lots of noises

Everywhere

Nowhere in the house is happy

No-one in the house is happy

I hope my Mum and dad stop fighting soon

Useless to hope

My millennium is a nightmare

This millennium is the best experience ever

Happy times I remember

Evening parties, Grrrreeeeeaaaatttt!

My Mum is laughing

I can hear dad slurping loudly at his drink

Lauren my sister is playing with me

Laughing is all I can hear

Everywhere far and near

Nobody is sad

No-one is speaking - the bells are going to go

I can hear the bells chiming

United together with my family

Millenniummmmmm!

Harry is a homeless man

And carries his bag everywhere

Runs around the streets

Really hungry

Yes, he is a homeless man

The saddest man I’ve ever seen

He’s brainy

Even though he sleeps with rats

He uses them for company

On the canal side

Many people pass

Every single day

Leaving him alone at night

Eating scraps they’ve thrown away

Scraps small and

Scraps Big

Maybe not at all

After dark he’s all alone lying on the floor

No one wants to help, no one seems to care. Harry is that homeless man sleeping over

there.

DOES ANYBODY CARE?

Fluffy cat.

Velvet fur tickling my leg.

Playful kitten.

Twisting and turning chasing the toy mouse. |

Sleepy fluffball

In the bed she lies asleep and purring.

The day my Nan died

My frown curved like a swimming stream

My heart was as deserted as a black cave

My tears dripped like a sobbing waterfall without a pool to stop them

A house of tears went out of the windows of my eyes

My heart broke down shimmering mirrors

My soul wanted to escape from the prison of sadness

I ran out of tears like an empty kettle

The day my Nan died.

Tired, I slumped sleeping on the bed

Sighing out the day,

Yawning out the troubles of the day.

By my face, the warm cat curls and sleeps, tickling,

The shadows dance on the curtains,

And silent sleep tiptoes to my pillow.

Relaxing drifting noises fill the room,

Peaceful owls tu-whit tu-whoo at distant stars

As I slip finally peaceful to snoring sleep.

Midnight explodes with evil nightmares,

Crashing through the window, disturbing, petrifying,

Screaming vampires, blood-sucking eys of sickening dead people

Dark evil mind-blasting monsters screeching

As squeaky geeky bats, hovering,

Laugh at the howling foxes.

I desperate twisting dreams

Creepy pyjamas sweat on the bed of squashed spiders wriggling

I leap into waking,

Scream at the scary shadows

Look for the deadly witches at the window

But no-one comes.

Silence.

The moon shimmers,

The stars shiver.

In the garden a spiky hedgehog shuffles.

In the distance nightclub music blasts.

And silent sleep tiptoes back and carries me off

Once more, to the warm relaxing wonderland

That holds me safe until morning.

Year 5 at St Ambrose Barlow with Peter Wynne-Willson [This poem was made up of lines written by pupils]

Some happy times I won't forget

When Granny died I was very upset

I used to see her every day

But now I can't, 'cause she's gone away

I see her picture in my hand

My perfect grandma

That picture has faded now away

That picture from my head

The vision has faded away

But her heart will always stay

Stay in my soul

I remember the times she came for tea

And when she brought sweets for me

The frame of heart she had was

Too dear and

Too kind

The Gran I had, died for me

Her candle burned out

Her legend will live

Bye bye Granny

From your

Grandson

Alarmed hunter

Eyes are wide when hunting.

Sneaky killer

Turning and twisting he spots the pray.

Fierce killer

As he eats the prey.

I went to Dudley Zoo and saw:

1 pink pot-bellied pig

2 slimy slithery scaly snakes

3 giggly googly goats

4 hippy hoppy hedgehogs

5 dirty disgusting ducks

6 tiny tiddling tickling tigers

7 busy bellowing bears

8 kicking kanging kangaroos

9 clever clinging clumping crocodiles

10 enormous eating elephants

That was my trip to Dudley Zoo

I hope next time you will join me too.

As I got on the train, I knew the journey would be the same.

Passing all the people, Even a big tall steeple.

Seeing a big woolly ball it was a flock of sheep.

I listened to the sounds of their tiny bleep.

As I'm looking out of the window,

The reflection is of people playing bingo.

Looking up at the clouds, I hear the birds singing loud.

The trains going fast, And too quick to see the things we past.

The train has stopped puff, puff, puff, I have to go and get my stuff.

Two big bags and a sack full of toys, All deliveries for girls and boys.

As I get off I begin my round, The postman has reached town.

The bell goes

The cock crows

The pigs line up with the pigs.

The sheepdogs march barking to the matching dogs.

Farmers strut out proudly

Round up the noisy animals totheir paddocks

The school farm goes quiet.

Q. Why are you under the bridge?

A. Cause I got no home.

Q. Got any money, mate?

A. I’ve got a few quid, but I want to save it.

Q. Have you got a family?

A. Yes, but my wife threw me out.

Q. Do you want some dosh?

A. Yes, please.

Q. How much?

A. As much to get a job and my family together.

First day. No hope

Second day. I can’t cope. Still no hope.

Third day. Job centre.

No luck. No love.

Fourth day scorching, gleaming bright

Above me on the bridge.

A rattle snake hiss as the bus breaks down.

Children barge and roll, a herd of animals, to throw stones

I huddle in my coat.

Hello o o o o

Listen to the

echo o o o o

No stones.

They approach me on tiptoe like snails.

Whisper to each other.

Point and poke.

"Don’t hurt me, please, too weak."

"Do you need any help?

Any food? Any money?

We can give you some.

We are your friends."

The lanky building fell on the midget people

It squashed a fat policeman in his cop-car

Brainless surgeons couldn't help

Long-haired hippies meditated around his flat body, and pealed him off the floor

They stuck him into a bus-shelter for kids to throw darts at

He's been there ever since.

Mum, are ghosts real?

Yes they are real.

Mum are there ghosts in this house?

Yes there is one in the loft

Mum, what do ghosts eat?

They eat little boys called John

Mum, when do ghosts come out?

When you're in bed

To gobble off your head.

Mum, will the ghost eat my head.